do you ever feel like everyone is slowly letting go? do you ever feel that incredibly alone?

Here we go again, with a chat capture from That One Group:

[12:11] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: This is all incredibly frustrating.... I dont know how to do mesh heads or mesh bodies.. in the shops I cant even move around because of lag and cant see anything because of lag and the shop being crowded. The print for directions on posters is far to small to read and all directions act as if you already know. There is no one who explains any of this to anyone not even an assistant in the shop. How can I pick a head without knowing what the skin will look like and how can I get the skin on it without being able to find the skin (no labels of what the exact name of the skin is). Gods sake. I have to hop around to 5 different shops to get one look. And good luck getting anything at all with the drastic lag.

First things first: I totally get her frustration, here. It is hard. It's not easy for someone to just plunge into the world of mesh heads, or mesh bodies, and completely understand everything on the first go. A lot of mesh head demos have limited settings; we can play with some of the dimensions, maybe, but we can't necessarily change skins. Do we have skins in our inventories that will work? Do we need to buy whole new skins to go with the head? Which head is going to work? It's a lot to take in.

[12:11] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Cxxxxxxxx]. Please keep your posts down to 3 lines.[12:12] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Please.

[12:12] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: how could I say that with 3 lines? I am livid. Sorry.

[12:12] Emilly Orr: While I understand why you said that, [Dxxxxx], she has a point.

[12:12] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: not everyone experiences that much troubles hun and your lag is user end meaning it has to do with your settings, your computer and your net .. which can be helped with proper adjustments ... yes dressing an avi takes time and shopping and ...

Yes, but if you expect people to upgrade to the best, fastest net service, you're woefully unprepared for the reality of most working adults. At least in the US, super-fast broadband simply isn't available everywhere, and even in those cities where it is offered, it's generally at a higher price point than many can afford.

[12:12] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Complain to the stores you are dealing with.
[12:12] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: I just wonder who else agrees.
[12:13] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Probably many points, this is not the venue.
[12:13] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i dont think its a store issue [Dxxxxx] .. more an issue perhaps learnin curve
[12:13] Sxxx Sxxxxx: If you havent already turn your graphics down, and draw distance, and then show friends only ...
[12:13] Emilly Orr: Trust me, [Cxxxxxxxx], I've been mesh-head shopping for two years now, haven't found one yet.
[12:13] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: I am literally on the lowest settings possible. :((( So sad.
[12:13] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: omg Emily. :(
[12:13] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: graphics slider main .. isnt the the way to lower your lag hun
[12:13] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: once i figured out catwa i fell in love
[12:14] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: I just want SL to grow and honestly this is way to hard for any newbies to do. I have been here for 12 years and I can barely figure it out. We need solutions.

And again, she's not wrong. While the advancements in technology have brought really great things, Second Life as a whole is largely becoming an investment--set aside shopping, rent on the grid, and the like, there will come points with advances in which the problem becomes user-end--in that, we can no longer lower our settings enough to minimize the lag, we have to upgrade our computers.

And I don't know about you, but I just don't have L$1500 lying around every day. (I didn't the last time I upgraded, in fact, it was a gift from a dear friend.)

[12:15] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: its really not that difficult .. newbies figure it out daily .. and Ive been here 13yrs as many other this group
[12:15] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: People do figure this stuff out, I did. You can.
[12:16] Emilly Orr: Some take longer to learn things, [Dxxxxx].
[12:16] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yes.
[12:16] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: And that is ok.

Is it? Because your entire attitude, and the attitude of many commenters, is "Suck it up, you'll be fine, it's your fault anyway". How is that 'okay', in any sense of the word?

[12:16] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: mesh bodies head been around now for several yrs .. its not hurting growth, the better graphics have actually helped it alot
[12:16] Emilly Orr: [Cxxxxxxxx], I'd recommend hitting Strawberry Singh's blog. She covers a lot of mesh heads, finding and fitting mesh heads, and laying skins over them. Solid advice.
[12:16] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Where would I find that Emily?
[12:17] Emilly Orr: It's...a blog? Google Strawberry Singh, or if that doesn't work, Strawberry Singh Second Life. It'll pop right up.
[12:20] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: sounds like you been out of the loop for quite a few years [Cxxxxxxxx] .. if just returning maybe good idea take it slowly .. one piece of update at a time
[12:22] Axxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Emily Orr, I agree with your recommendation for a blog. Also I find the genus head inworld group chat very responsive and helpful and you don't need to buy the head, it's a free group.
[12:22] Emilly Orr: Maybe. Or maybe she's like some of us who've been on the ground the whole time, never left, and still don't quite grok the concepts.
[12:23] Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: on the lag front, if you haven't done it already I would recommend turning down the maximum complexity of avatars so they all jelly doll

Which helps, but I'm not sure the whole 'jellydoll' thing is a part of any viewer save for Firestorm. Has it been adapted officially? Because contrary to popular belief, not everyone on the grid runs with Firestorm.

[12:23] Emilly Orr: That's actually a good idea. Joining a group for a head you like the look of, or joining a group just for mesh body/head support, you can ask a lot of these questions there and get good answers.
[12:24] Axxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: It depends a lot on your computer too. My 9 year old "fruit" computer was just not up to SL - it was immensely frustrating - I ended up looking at the blog Emily recommended and getting a new computer based on SS's specs.
[12:24] dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I thought we gave good answers when people needed help

Yeah, I did too. What happened today, people?

[12:24] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: also have a look at bandwidth it could be set far too low dragging you down
[12:25] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: if you have alot trouble in large groups and shops ((vendors i know can get heavy for some)) .. use the show friends only while shopping
[12:26] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Cutting back on the groups you allow to send you notices helps too.
[12:26] Emilly Orr: And remember most Marketplace makers do offer demos, so in a pinch, you can just log into a sandbox, order a bunch of free demos, and play with the settings without other people and items to clutter the view.
[12:26] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: turning OFF name tags helps alot too

That I did not know. Does that really work? I tend to highly value knowing who's talking to me without clicking for their profile to find out first, but still, it's worth keeping in mind if it works.

[12:27] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I buy my heads via MP.
[12:27] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: How do you show friends only? I have limited notices coming in, sometimes gone to showing no avatars at all but then had to deactivate that to see myself lol, brought down all the graphics settings I could find.. etc.
[12:27] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I never make any large pruchases via MP cos you do not if can get redelivery always
[12:27] Ixxxx Mxxxx: A good and normal bandwidth for SL is 1500 Kbps
[12:27] Emilly Orr: If you're on Firestorm, it's World to Show Friends Only, at the bottom of the list.
[12:27] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: If anyone has tips for reducing lag Ill pay you to learn them ;D ha. No really.
[12:28] Emilly Orr: If not, then I don't know how to get there, but it's probably still somewhere in the world menu options.
[12:28] hxxxxxx Dxxxxxxx: iis your vewer updated?
[12:29] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Youtube videos. Some YouTubers give very detailed explanations how to about mesh heads, skins, fittings and settings.
[12:29] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: no need pay .. I sent you an IM [Cxxxxxxxx]
[12:30] Emilly Orr: I keep forgetting about YouTube tutorials, I'm more a reader. But that's a good tip, too.
[12:30] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I prefer the old try and mistake. You are slower, but laugh more. *Giggles*
[12:30] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Its just for 20 us dollars I wish there was help.

Hence her level of frustration. And I get it--for someone who lives in the tax bracket where $20 is a single drink, then they won't consider it a huge expenditure. For someone who expects $20 to feed a family of three to four (and yes, a lot of us out here, thanks), it's a significant investment, that needs to be seriously considered. Which is where sources for help would, y'know, actually help. Instead of most people in this chat going "oh well, it's on you, everyone else is fine".

[12:30] Axxxxxxxx Mxxxxx: The Altamura Design group has videos - see the profile of the manager, DaddyStickler Picks -
[12:30] Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I've only ever had two mesh heads. I got an altamura one on special at an event and used that until BOM came out and I got a Tonic one to go with my body
[12:30] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: 20 for the head, about 10 to 15 for the body and then theres so much else to buy.
[12:30] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i have err several from most of the designers and least one body type from each maker lol
[12:31] Emilly Orr: Yeah, mesh heads are spendy.
[12:31] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I can help and am willing .. but .. you need be willing let me
[12:31] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Except Normie. Only 500L$. *takes out her head for kiss it*
[12:31] kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: the normie head is around 500L I think on mp
[12:32] kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol beat me to it
[12:32] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Normie isnt actually bad. it is bento and reacts well to 3rd party facial huds on MP and the mesh is omega so is bom as well
[12:33] kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes I love mine
[12:33] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Is Normie a head that you can change? (Features)

Sort of?

[12:33] kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes
[12:33] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes it is bento
[12:33] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: bento means new skeleton ... so has the ability uise most the sliders
[12:34] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: theres a demo .. so you can demo skins and shape editting before ever buy
[12:34] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: bento, shapeable, Omega compatible, the only limitation is the slots for makeup
[12:34] sxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I use normie too... it's cute, skews a little young, but has fewer makeup areas

Well, sure. Because Normie's a Utilizator product. Utilizator makes anime avatars and anime-centric furs. And that's really all he does, plus a few clothes/armor sets/weapon sets designed to fit Avatar 2.0 and Kemono, and the Venus and Normie heads.

[12:34] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yes, DEMO everything.[12:34] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: So is bento the best head to buy then?[12:34] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: there also LAQ which is a very nice brand and gets alot support .. you can get the head for 1500 .. the hud is 2500 but you dont have to buy it till want to[12:34] Emilly Orr: You can change the Normie head, but it starts off with a fixed jaw shape, and that never really changes. If that's your shape, you're gold. But if you try to get, say, a pointed chin, it's never going to happen with Normie.

And I wish it could. Without that fixed jaw line, I could really get into using Normie.

[12:34] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Static works well.[12:35] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I buy my alts static heads.
[12:35] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: dont think anyone wants static these days .. they wanna be able edit their shape lol

Most of us do, yeah. But I think 'static' here is used to mean 'non-animated'.

[12:35] Emilly Orr: There are no Bento heads, strictly speaking. Bento is a way of moving mesh. There are mesh heads ENABLED for Bento, viewers enabled for Bento.
[12:35] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: And I do not use the bento in this head.
[12:35] sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I suggest demo demo demo as much as possible and see what the heads/bodies can do . They ALL have pros and cons depending on what look You will want/need
[12:35] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yikes!! no kissing, licking, winking and teasing, [Dxxxxx]?
[12:35] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: most dont [Dxxxxx] and she specifically asked about being able change its features
[12:36] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yep, [Yxxx]!
[12:36] mxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Our beloved [dxxxxx] is old school :D
[12:36] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: that is respectable and remarkable, anyway :)
[12:37] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i cant handle expresssionaless lol

I think it's more a case of what you've grown used to. I'm used to fairly static expressions, with shifting 'moods' only through use of a HUD, and that I generally save for photography. But Bento-rigged heads were a great advance--instead of a choice of fairly static/smiling/looking shocked/looking angry/jaw moves randomly when talking, we suddenly had jaw movements synched to syllables spoken, winking, eyes widening, several grades of smiles and frowns, tongues sticking out--it was a whole new world.

Essentially, it comes down to how much research we're willing to do, apparently on our own, to become expert at something that most people aren't expert in. Because if this is the kind of help people are willing to offer, it'd be easier to pick up the nearest hammer and strike ourselves once between the eyes. We'd probably be less hurt by that, too.